"At Least Six Feet Away, Please and Thank You."
Updated: Apr 6, 2020
The Coronavirus, or COVID-19, has dramatically changed our lives in such a short amount of time.
Our governor has put several measures in place in an effort to ensure the safety of we Marylanders. One of the most current directives is there will be no gatherings of more than 250 people. While some scoffed at this little piece of direction and others breathed a sigh of relief, I am personally grateful for leadership that cares for the people it serves.
The Centers or Disease and Control Prevention (CDC) tells us the virus is thought to spread mainly form person-to-person within six feet of one another. The wise thing, it's fairly safe to assume, is to be sure to maintain a safe distance of at least that much with anyone we come in contact with.
What's your safe space with your spouse? Your significant other? What is the distance between the two of you?
Sure, in the beginning stages of your courtship, there are certain things you keep undercover. No man wants to know that the beautiful girl he saw in that pink dress with the slit that slowly crept up her thigh and stopped right before he caught a glimpse of her "goodies" has a secret flaw. Her secret flaw? Maybe her burps had a smell so rancid that she actually killed a cat that crossed her path while guzzling a beer at an outdoor Oktoberfest. Who knows? Whatever it is, you would need space for something like that in the beginning of your journey. By all means, keep that little stinking secret in your back pocket until you are sure he is totally and completely in love with you. Then you can feel free to burp around him. You might even feel brave enough to show him that corn on your toe that you'd been disguising with brown eyebrow pencil for the last three months.
But now that you've been in this weathered relationship, what is the thing or what are the things that keep you six feet away from your man? What creates distance between you and your significant other? Often, we don't even realize the distance until a situation or circumstance slaps us in the face and sends us running to our men. Once we get to them, we realize that even though our mouths are open, nothing is coming out. We become mute. We played the scene out in our minds prior to taking that run, but somehow when reality became real, we couldn't find the strength or the heart to go through with it. Maybe it is something embarrassing. Maybe it is something hurtful. Maybe it is something that brings us shame. What we know for sure though, is it's something that is creating distance.
While absence may make the heart grow fonder, distance may make the heart harder. What we may see as distance between us may feel like rejection to our mates. For those of us who are married, this poses a problem. If you are married then the two of you are one. How then, can you distance yourself from yourself? It will divide you. If you're like me and your imagination sometimes gets away from you, you can see that distancing yourself from your spouse is like taking your bare hand and starting at the crown of your head, ripping your entire body - your own body - in two. This will subject your body to all kinds of infections and diseases. You've taken a well-oiled machine and torn it asunder, creating two non-working, progressively weakening separate entities from one whole partnership.
I don't know what it is that keeps you six feet away from you partner. I don't even want to know. Whatever is keeping you from your spouse - the thing that is creating distance between you and your partner – I'm sure that same thing, whether you know it or not, is creating distance between you and God. Because I don't know the nature of your relationship and am not familiar with the issue that causes you to distance yourself from the love of your life, I am not recommending that you uncover that issue to your spouse. However, I am asking you to expose it to God. Lay it all out on the table before Him. You can trust Him. God will never cross the line of confidentiality. Your secrets are safe with Him. He will never mislead you or abuse you. He will love you in spite of your flaws and in the midst of your secrets. There is nothing you can do to cause Him to leave you. He will never leave you. I believe God longs to heal our broken places and to see us whole . . . He loves us that much and more.
During these next few weeks, many of you will find yourselves with some quiet time. Some of you are used to being so busy that you won't know what to do with this quiet time. "Busy-ness" takes our minds off of things but guess what: even when our minds are busy and we've pushed the issue far back into the recesses of our minds, it is still there. It is still living, breathing and waiting for the right time to free itself. And believe me, it will show up at the most inappropriate times. You know that favorite place of yours - when you've retired for the day and you're wrapped up in your husband's arms? When you've found that special position on his chest and every piece of your skin is kissing another piece of his and your heartbeat has fallen in sync with his heartbeat and you are finally finding peace in the rhythm of his breaths? That place. And while you are skin-to-skin, heartbeat-to-heartbeat, breath-to-breath, you discover you are still six feet apart. That distance-causing issue you banished to the recesses of your mind has wiggled itself free and has come to haunt you once again.
During this mandated "staycation," please take the time to address those things that may cause you to distance yourself from your relationship. In all honesty, investigating this issue will benefit your relationship but more importantly, it will benefit your wholeness. Allow God to direct you in your healing and in your relationship. He can close the gap. Instead of having space between the two of you, He can make you a safe space for your spouse and your spouse a safe place for you.
As my Pastor says, all you have to do is face the problem; God will fix it. Take it all to Him.
I love marriage!