Broken? Maybe. Irreparable? Never!
Updated: Mar 12
Before you begin reading this blog, you may want to search the house for that funeral home fan and grab your favorite Bible - the King James Version - yep, that one. This blog post might get a little "preachy."
Most of us have been in love at least once before we found that "Real Love" Mary J. Blige sang about. Sure, we had that middle school (or junior high school depending upon your generation) puppy love where he sent us notes asking if we wanted to "go with him." And of course, we experienced that high school love. That love made us feel kinda grown. We'd learned a little bit about French kissing, had gone out on dates alone, and some had even ventured out into those unforbidden places - you know what I'm talking about - those places that made us girls feel like we'd finally become real, bonafide women. It was those same places where the young boys earned their manhood badges and their bragging rights. And then we discovered that out of control kind of love. It was a love we'd lose our minds for. It was a love we often fought others for. It was also a love that we gave our entire selves for whether it was in a committed relationship or within the bounds of the marriage covenant. And then it didn't work out . . .
Whatever the reason, when the relationship we would absolutely die for actually dies, we often blame ourselves. We go on this personal witch hunt, trying to find out what was wrong with us. Why did he leave me? What was wrong with me? Why couldn't she love me? Why wasn't I enough? Where am I falling short? What am I lacking?
If you know me at all, you know I am a big Will Smith fan, which means that I'm also a big "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" fan. One of the most poignant episodes ever filmed was when Will Smith's character, also named "Will," encountered his biological father in the college cafeteria. After some light treading, they revived their relationship and Will was preparing to hit the road with his father, a trucker, and catch up on some lost father-son time. However, his father decided that his trip would be quicker with the assistance of an experienced truck driver and slowed by the company of his own son. In short, his father returned to his old ways and dumped him. Will was devastated. He tried to convince himself that he had done well without his father and would do even better still, but he couldn't shake the question most of us have when we've been dumped by people we've loved beyond our natural abilities. With tears in his eyes and his heart shattered into a million pieces, he asked his "real father," Uncle Phil: "Why he don't want me, man?" And then fell into Uncle Phil's loving embrace.
When relationships fail, we often turn inward and look for reasons why the relationship didn't survive. After all, we loved them through everything and with everything. We examine our bodies, checking for cracks and leaks, chips and missing parts. We never really know what we're looking for, but we figure we'll know it when we see it. We're unsure where the ailment lies, but we know for sure that it lies with us. We are broken. We are defective. Of course, we are. If I wasn't broken, he would still love me. If I wasn't broken, she would never have left me. It must be me. Something must be wrong with me. Something is BROKEN.
In all actuality, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being broken. My Pastor declares that God is attracted to our brokenness. Why? Because He is near to the brokenhearted. He is the One who heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He is THE FIXER. When we are broken, and we offer ourselves to Him for fixing, we are sacrifices to Him that are never despised by Him. In fact, our brokenness can sometimes work for us. When the Apostle Paul, the soldiers, and the prisoners - 276 people in all - were shipwrecked on their way to Italy, they were able to make it safely to dry land on broken pieces. So it is safe to say that while we may be broken, we are not irreparable.
Herein is the problem. As long as you continue to call a man a dog, he will continue barking at all hours of the night, peeing on the furniture, chewing up the new slippers, and attracting and hosting fleas. It is the same with us. As long as we see ourselves as irreparable - beyond repair - as trash (let's be honest), we will never see our worth and we will forever attract and host trash collectors. You know what a trash collector is, right? He looks for things of no value. When he finds them, these irreparable items, he doesn't find any beauty in them because he never looks for it. Let's call the trash collector "Leroy." Leroy mishandles and abuses these women who see themselves as irreparable (as trash) simply because he has no regard for them. He only touches her while on the job or for personal gain and once he's touched her, he throws her over his shoulder and tosses her aside with all the other useless trash he's collected. His touch was only fleeting and self-gratifying. Once Leroy's fondled her, she is no longer of any use to him. But if she hadn't been sitting out on the corner, thinking that she was irreparable in the first place, and eagerly waiting for someone - anyone - to come and treat her like the trash she envisioned herself, she would have never become subject to his soiled, callous touch and his abusive behavior.
Perhaps the relationship died; you didn't. Perhaps you were broken within the relationship; God can fix you. Perhaps the relationship is irreparable; you are not.
I remember one evening I was praying to God regarding my sons. Sons will make you pray, honey! I was overwhelmed with concern for them. Our children can become enamored with paths that lead them to nowhere. I needed to cut off the pathways. So, I began earnestly praying to God. I was so desperate for them to just have a real encounter with Him - to just serve God and fall out of love with what the world had to offer them. But, I was becoming discouraged. As I prayed from this place of discouragement, God spoke to me. I'll never forget it: "They are not beyond Me," He promised. That set me free!
I want to declare that same word to you today: "You are not beyond God." See yourself as God sees you BEFORE any man ever looks at you. And when you see yourself as God sees you, etch that image into your memory. Never lose it. When you begin to see yourself as God sees you, others will see you the same way be they your husband, your boyfriend, or the man who is looking for you. You see, the man who is looking for you, the one who is on a journey to find his wife - his "good thang" - can't find you when you're wrapped up in an irreparable mindset and hiding in a beaten-up trash can, because good things are never found in trash cans - only trash.
You are not trash. You are not defective. You are not irreparable. You have been fearfully and wonderfully made! Watch how your relationships turn and how the quality of your suitors will upgrade when you realize that because he or she didn't want you back then doesn't mean you were lacking anything. It certainly didn't mean you were beyond repair. It may have just meant they couldn't handle you. But when you have a revelation of who you really are in spite of what you've been through . . . Whew, Chile!
You are God's favorite, just like me!