Don't Make it Easy for Her . . .
I absolutely hate it . . . no, let me try that again. I need a stronger word. I absolutely despise when people blame one person for another person's actions or in this case, when one spouse is blamed for the other's infidelity. Let me drum up all of the colloquialisms I can to express my truest feelings: "It gets on my last nerves!" "It makes me sick!" "It makes my water boil!" "It makes me angrier than a hornet's nest," and my favorite: "It pisses me off!" Unless the couple are Siamese twins with one being notably stronger than the other, no one person can make the other do anything. Every action is preceded by a thought and a decision. Every action.
It has been commonplace to blame the wife for her husband's infidelity. No, we don't stand before a stadium full of people with a megaphone to our lips and prosecute her before an audience of her husband and her peers, but we make it quite clear she is to blame. "If she would have given him what he needed at home, he would have never come to me," said the silly sidechick. "He is a reflection of you. You are one. If he is having an affair, it is because of something you are lacking," said the condescending, crazy counselor. And my favorite:
"If you don't do it, someone else will," said the hopeless husband.
Ladies, this is a scare tactic. Don't you dare fall for it! Someone else might do it for him. That may be true. But someone else might do it for you, too. The fact is, no one else can do it like you can - whatever "it" may be. And by the way, women also cheat. In fact, MSN reported in 2019 that 20% of married men cheat compared to 13% of married women. Women are not too far behind their male counterparts in the infidelity department. How's that for a scare tactic?
Whether the husband or the wife steps outside of the relationship, they do so with a decision. We can decide to cheat. We can decide not to cheat. No one stumbles into infidelity. Yes, we make mistakes, but we decide to make those mistakes. The Bible tells us every man is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed. We make the decisions to become enticed - to walk away from faithfulness and to walk into infidelity. It is an act of our will, not an unconscious stumble into a five-star hotel room or into the neighbor's king-sized bed. You do not just fall into someone.
But there are things we can do, ladies . . .
We can make the atmosphere conducive for the temptation. This is something we must be mindful of. Castrating language is never appealing to a man. If you treat your husband like a dog, don't be surprised when he poops on your valuables or chases every female dog (yep, you know exactly what I mean) when he's in heat. It's what dogs tend to do. This, however, is not an excuse. He is not a dog, even if he seems to have canine tendencies. Listen: We didn't have to wag our necks and create headlining news when he failed to take the trash out last Wednesday. And just so you know, it is not a felony if he forgot your birthday for the second time in nine years of marriage - it may be a misdemeanor, though. Just kidding! But there are certainly things we can do to make it easy for the "Clean Up Woman." Do you know who she is? Her weaves are expensive, past her shoulders, and every one of them has that fake baby hair. She is about five years younger than you with no kids and a size 6 figure. She always dresses sexy and has one of those ghetto nicknames only she knows how to spell. Always lurking around in dark alleys, under the cover of night, she waits for the right atmosphere to make her move. Betty Wright describes her best in a 1971 hit song:
"A clean up woman is a woman who Gets all the love we girls leave behind The reason I know so much about her Is because she picked up a man of mine
(Then she schools the ladies)
Jumpin' slick was my ruin 'Cause I found out all I was doin' Was makin' it easy for the clean up woman To get my man's love, aww, yeah"
Don't make it easy for that heifer! While you must not be intimidated by her, do not make her job easy. Honor your spouse. Be his biggest cheerleader. Wear something sexy for him every now and then. You may not be a size 8 anymore, but he is intimately familiar with your body. He has a fondness for the way you press your thighs up against his when you're watching your favorite movie together on the leather love seat. He has fallen in love with that musical sway in your hips when you part ways on your way to work in the morning. You always thought he was watching you to make sure you were safe but in reality, he was burning every movement, from the curve of your hips to the way your arms swing at your sides in his memory. Be his friend instead of his foe. Sometimes we just need to shut up, pack it up, and go to the football game with him. But whatever you do, do not do any of these things from a place of fear. Do them from a place of love.
Infidelity is always a choice. Can it be avoided? It certainly can. But the responsibility lies with you. You are responsible for your actions and for policing your own thoughts. The question was once asked, "Can you affair-proof your marriage?" That would be a hard "no" from me. But I believe you can affair-proof yourself. You can choose to be faithful. You can choose to create an atmosphere conducive for marriage and not for temptation. You can choose to invest in and work on your marriage. But the blame of infidelity? It always lies with the person who committed the infidelity. However, the decision to cultivate a good, healthy marriage lies with both partners.
Jamie Foxx crooned, "Blame it on the alcohol." I am asking you not to blame it on your spouse. Put the work in, together! Value your marriage. Pray for your marriage. Invest in your marriage and please, please, keep the clean up woman out of your business and your relationship. Don't make it easy for her . . .
I love marriage.