"What Are Your Blockers? Trust Me; You Have Some."
Updated: Apr 6
A friend of mine was hosting a cookout as a housewarming gift to herself. Sure, we showed up with gifts in hand, but we were really interested in the house's grand tour and, of course, the food.
Her new home was beautiful! Peppered throughout our tour were sighs of "oooh's" and "ahhhh's" as she showed us what she'd done with this single family abode. The homeowner was a very well, "put together," single African American woman with no children and a great eye for both quality and organization. Her new home reflected as much. Every room was an experience all of its own, with furniture staging that gave each space a special feel. There were simple but elegant statement pieces in each room, but there was a cohesive flow throughout the entire house.
"Danica," hosted the upscale outdoor barbecue from her basement which was just as gorgeous as the home's upper levels. Downstairs, we enjoyed mingling with everyone, listening to some good ole' R&B music we could nod our heads to, and chomping down on some tasty appetizers while waiting for the REAL food to come off of the grill. She even had some grill masters already on task in her spacious, gorgeous, green backyard . . . and we were hungry!
The backyard was almost irresistible. Like her home, this backyard was special and Danica knew it. She even had glass double doors installed so we could look from the above-ground basement directly into her yard. The yard . . . it just seemed to draw everyone to it. In fact, one of the guests, Sharon, decided she would venture out onto the lawn and experience its uniqueness first hand. Sharon rose from her seat, still engaged in conversation with the rest of the guests, and began making her way to the yard. Looking toward her destination, she began making her way outside. I'm sure in her anticipation, she could smell the barbecue and feel the sun already beating down her back. She kept her pace, walking toward the backyard, her pace picking up as she was getting closer and closer to the yard. She could almost hear the bumblebees buzzing about her head and feel those sporadic, cool breezes that sweep through at just the right time and then, . . . "BOOM!"
She walked head on into the CLOSED, glass double doors.
The group of guests roared in laughter as we helped her up from the floor and began wiping the smudged imprint of her body off the double glass doors.
Can you imagine? You have this beautiful view in your gaze, within your grasp. It is close enough to reach out and touch. And while on your way to experience every bit of it, as you get closer and closer to it, your journey is BLOCKED; not detoured or re-routed, just blocked.
My Pastor talked about blockers yesterday, things that hinder you from reaching your destiny. For years, I struggled with one specific blocker . . .
Once my husband and I became more serious in our relationship (not my husband at the time), I would always look for ways out. I thought I was doing this as a preventive measure. From a place of courage and bravery . . .
"If I ever have to leave this marriage, I WILL be prepared. I will not cry, snot, and lose myself, but I will rise to the occasion and pull from the things I'd already set aside for that moment. And if he ever lost his mind and decided he would leave the best thing that would ever come his way, I'd be prepared for that moment, too. No therapists, no psychiatrists. I would just draw from my own strength and make it happen because I was a strong woman who had come from a line of strong women, and who would birth strong children! No man would ever turn me upside down!"
I had a blocker.
I wouldn't allow myself to be fully loved by a man who fully loved me. I doubted the width and the depth of his love not because of him, though. I wanted to believe it. I genuinely wanted to believe in it. I wanted to enjoy that kind of love. But as much as I wanted to, I found myself being unable to accept it.
My father wasn't like some of the single fathers we stereotype. If he wasn't anything, he was surely financially responsible toward the two of us girls. Ask my mother . . . He NEVER missed a child support payment and always gave us extra things for our birthdays and for Christmas. Yes, we had our issues, but his fiduciary responsibility was not one of them. But there were so many things I needed from him that he didn't or was unable to provide. And then I remembered the way my parents divorced . . . I determined I would never marry a man like him. I didn't. But I treated my husband as if I did.
What I thought was a preventive measure founded upon my own strength was really a blocker I'd erected founded upon my own fears. I was afraid to allow him to love me because the love my parents seemed to share didn't work out well. And the promises my father, who had been my superhero, made to me never panned out. He said he loved me, but his failure to keep his promises, his refusal to be there for the important - or not so important times, and his flat-out preference to visit others over spending time with us convinced me that although you can say it with your lips, your actions said something agonizingly different. You didn't love me.
But I didn't marry my father. I married my husband who DID and DOES love me.
That blocker is a difficult one to get over. And while I've made some headway, I am still working through it. I am grateful to God for a patient husband who I am head over heels in love with. I realized this blocker had nothing to do with how strong I was or wasn't, but with the fear I was trying to suppress. My first step in overcoming this blocker is trusting God. He loves me and He will never hurt me. And if I am ever hurt by anyone else, He will do all the restoring that is needed. So, I trust Him. Fully and completely. In the meantime, I am still working it out.
How about you? What are some of your blockers? How are you working through them?